


how long will i love you?

by trouvailleamor



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Times Pam Loves Jim
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-03-20 15:48:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13720905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trouvailleamor/pseuds/trouvailleamor
Summary: Pam loving Jim through the years





	1. 2001

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own the Office or any of the characters, it's just one of my favorite shows and I love Jim and Pam!

Pam sits at her desk, typing away absent-mindedly at her keyboard. Even though she is bored out of her mind, she has learned to savor the moments when things are quiet and Michael isn’t bothering her. She drifts off into a daydream about the upcoming weekend. Roy made plans with his brother so she would have a whole two days to herself. Not that she doesn’t love spending time with Roy, she does, but sometimes she just needs a break.

She’s too stuck in her own head to notice Michael until he’s walking over. “Pam-e-la,” He says, laughing at his own almost-nonexistent joke. 

“Yes Michael,” She says, gritting her teeth slightly. 

“Woah, are you on your period?” Michael asks, chuckling again.

Pam glares up at him.

“Tough crowd,” Michael mumbles, reaching for some candy.

“What is it Michael?” Pam asks again, returning to her keyboard.

“The new guy is supposed to show up soon. Can you show him his desk when he gets here?” 

Pam is surprised by the mildness of this request. Usually Michael asks for something either completely insane or wildly inappropriate. “Sure.”

“Thanks a lot Pamster. Pamster the hamster,” Michael says, still floating by her desk.

“Goodbye Michael,” She says. As if it’s her saving grace, the phone rings right then. “Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.”

Michael, obviously disappointed with his sudden lack of attention, sulks back into his office. After discovering the caller was only a telemarketer, she hangs up and goes back to typing aimlessly and daydreaming about her solitary weekend.

She’s choosing between staying in to watch a movie and ordering pizza or going shopping when someone walks through the front door. She looks up from her computer to see a tall man step towards her desk. Although he looks slightly awkward and his hair is a little bit messy, Pam’s first coherent thought about him is _He’s cute._ She immediately feels guilty about this, but then she remembers the time that Roy mentioned that he thought her sister was hot. 

Remembering how to speak, Pam says “Hi, can I help you?”

“Hi, I’m the guy starting today. My name’s Jim,” He says, holding out his hand to her.

Pam tries to hide her small smile and takes his hand. “I’m Pam.”  
“Nice to meet you Pam,” Jim smiles down at her.

_Yup, very cute._

Pam clears her throat and stands. “I’ll show you to your desk in a second,” She says. She then leans in closer and drops her voice to a whisper. “But enjoy this moment, because you’re never going to go back to this time before you met your desk mate Dwight.”

Jim gives her a confused smile as she comes out from behind her desk and walks him over to the one closest to hers. Dwight is staring at his computer screen and doesn’t even look up when Jim sets his stuff down.

Giving a wary look at Pam, Jim tries his best to engage. “Hi, I’m Jim. It’s nice to meet you.”

Dwight turns to look at him. He stands and offers his hand to Jim. “Dwight Kurt Schrute the Third.” Jim shakes his hand and Dwight drops his hand quickly. “Do not let you stuff cross into my area,” Dwight says, sitting down again. 

Jim raises his eyebrows as Pam walks back to her desk, laughing under her breath. Pam resumes her typing, but she is no longer daydreaming about her weekend. No, she’s thinking of something else entirely, something that she doesn’t dare give a name to. 

It isn’t until Michael is walking out of his office and is yelling “wazzup!” to Jim that she finally breaks out of her thoughts. She thinks that maybe she should have warned Jim about Michael as well.

~~~

Later in the week, Pam is sitting at her desk about to dig into her favorite break time snack. She’s about to dip her spoon in when Jim walks over to her desk and rests his elbows on the edge.

“So, this might sound weird,” He starts. “And there’s no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you’re about to eat has expired.”

Pam raises her eyebrows at Jim and when he shrugs, she investigates the lid. “You’re right,” She says, tossing the yogurt into the bin.

“Well, it wouldn’t be right for me to withhold such valuable information,” Jim says, flashing her another one of his smiles, taking a piece of candy from the container on her desk, and walking back to his. 

As she watched him walk back, she let a genuine smile creep up on her face. She then shook her head and went back to typing, trying to push down the thoughts she was having. Unfortunately, it did’t work.

_I like him._


	2. 2005

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of everything

Pam has no idea why the documentary crew is here.

Michael never even came close to explaining it at the meeting they had when the idea for the show was formulating. The only thing he wanted to do was have the office workers vote on which side of his face was more flattering. 

She especially has no idea why they want to interview _her_. She’s just the receptionist. Her life isn’t interesting at all.

Following Michael around with a camera, watching him make a fool out of himself, didn’t really seem like an entertaining idea for a television show. But she is getting paid, and it makes work a little more bearable, so she decides to accept it as it is.

When they call her into the conference room, the person behind the camera immediately asks about downsizing. She holds back a sigh and answers honestly. She really doesn’t care if they let her go. The only person she would miss is Jim. 

Also, working in the same building as her fiancee has perks as well. But Jim really is her closest friend in the office. She wouldn’t want to leave him.

She tells the camera about her art, her most treasured hobby. Roy doesn’t really like when she talks about it much, which she understands, but she appreciates it when Jim lends an ear to her ramblings and an eye to her work.

_Jim_. Of course she brought him up. She shouldn’t have, she’s not the most secretive person. The smile creeps onto her face before she could stop it. 

When the camera man informs her that Jim said her favorite yogurt was mixed berry, she laughs. Of course he knows. “Yeah, he’s onto me,” She says. The camera man and his assistant smile at her, as if they know something she doesn’t.

Suddenly uncomfortable and feeling slightly exposed, Pam asks the camera man, “Can I go back to my desk now?”

~~~

The new temp showed up at some point during the day. She barely even notices.

Soon there after, they call her in again. She absentmindedly wonders if this is going to be an everyday occurrence now, being interrupted three or four times a day. It breaks up the boredom at least.

Pam is caught off guard yet again when they ask her about Roy. “Roy is my fiancee,” she says, then spirals into some tangent about her wedding. It’s sort of a sore subject, but she puts on a smile so no one will know. Sometimes she wonders if Roy even wants to marry her at all, but when she goes down that path, she tells herself that he wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t want to.

When she is talking about going out for drinks with Jim, Roy walks into the office. She internally rolls her eyes when Roy says “Hey man!”

Pam knows for a fact that Roy does not like Jim. Roy is convinced that Jim is in love with her, and every time she sees them together, she can sense Roy’s tenseness. For some reason, Jim also seems nervous around Roy. Sometimes she thinks she sees things that aren’t there where Jim is concerned.

Roy doesn’t want to go out for drinks. She doesn’t want to fight tonight, so she shoots Jim an apologetic look and then goes back to her faxes.

The fact that Jim looks disappointed is the part that breaks her heart. She refuses to label this thing between them as anything else but friendship, mostly because of Roy, but… There’s something there. She doesn’t like seeing him hurt.

~~~

After delivering a fax for Michael, he asks her to sit down. She assumes he’s just going to ask her to do something ridiculous, and she knows she should just turn right around, but she sits down in the seat closest to her.

He tells her she’s fired. It’s kind of a blur. She’s crying, and suddenly he says, “You’ve been X’d punk’d!” 

Anger starts to bubble over. Michael has always said utterly offensive things before. In fact, on the first day, he said something she has since pushed out of her memory that had her locked in the bathroom crying. Much like right now. 

She calls him a jerk before she rushes out of the room. Jim sees her and looks like he wants to say something, but she just mumbles “Bad headache,” as she rushes past him and into the women’s bathroom.

~~~

He’s waiting for her when she comes out. Her heart warms at the sight, no matter how hard her head tries to suppress it. They talk about nothing for a few seconds, and it feels like they’re almost doing a dance. They tiptoe around what’s really happening, and Pam goes along with it. She can’t think about her feelings right now, she’s in love with Roy.

Except that feels more like a statement without any meaning now, not a fact.

As if Roy could sense what was going on inside her head, he beeps the horn on his truck, breaking through her thoughts. 

She leaves Jim to go join him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update! School has been super busy lately.   
> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you're enjoying this so far!


	3. 2006

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Pam was thinking on casino night.

It feels as if Pam’s brain has stopped working. In fact, it probably has. There is no other logical explanation as to why she’s standing at Jim’s desk with her arms around his neck, kissing him like she’s wanted to for years. And she has wanted to for years, she can’t deny it now. 

As his lips move against hers, she feels as though she’s done this before. Which is impossible, because of course she hasn’t.

She feels drunk. She says so, and he asks if she is. _How can he be like this? How can he be so kind all the time?_

Jim leans in to kiss her again, and while every nerve in her body is screaming for more, she swallows hard. “Jim…” 

She’s never seen him look so hurt. He asks about Roy. She really wishes that he didn’t. She doesn’t want to think about Roy right now. She just wants to think about this; her and Jim standing in the office where nothing else exists and nothing else matters.

But of course she says she’s still going to marry Roy. There’s nothing else she can say. They’ve been together forever; he’s her constant. She can’t just throw that away. 

“Ok,” He says. He slides his hands down her arms and grips her hands. Then, he lets her hands go, and the second he’s not touching her anymore, Pam regrets everything. 

“Jim,” She says. He looks at her with eyes wide open. _How did I never see this? All the love in his eyes?_ “I’m sorry.” It’s all she can say. 

She looks down at her feet, unable to look into his eyes any longer. She knows that if he cries, she will to. 

Pam thinks he’s going to leave, but instead, he places his hands on either side of her head. He looks at her with such adoration that she thinks she might melt into the floor. No one has ever looked at her like that. No one has ever looked at her like she meant something.

He leans forward, and she thinks he might try to kiss her again, but instead of meeting her lips, he presses a soft kiss to the top of her head. He then pulls back steps away from her. 

“Goodbye Pam,” He says. This is the moment she wants to remember. The fluttering feeling in her gut, the look in his eyes, her hands shaking slightly at her sides. Everything. 

Before she can say anything else, he turns around and walks out, not turning around to look at her again. 

~~

Pam leaves only ten minutes after Jim, but it feels like hours. She stands, leaning against his desk and looking down at his chair. It seems perfect, as if this is where she is supposed to be. At the same time, nothing has ever been more unclear.

She makes her way to her car without stopping to talk to anyone. People are trickling out from the party. She’s pretty sure she sees Meredith making out with someone in the parking lot, but she averts her eyes and jumps into her car as quickly as she can. 

She starts her car, then bangs her head on the steering wheel. Fighting back tears, she wonders what she’s supposed to tell Roy. _He’ll notice something’s wrong,_ She thinks. _He has to notice, right?_

~~~

Pam pulls into the driveway of her house, and she can see that the lights are on in the living room. Roy is still awake, and that thought sends a chill down her spine. It’s not like she did anything wrong, and Jim was the one who kissed her. But she wanted him to, and that’s where the problem comes in. 

She gets out of her car and makes her way to the front door. She takes a deep breath, then opens the door.

“Babe? Is that you?” Roy calls from the living room. Pam cautiously walks into the room, and sees Roy sitting on the couch, drinking a beer, and watching tv.

“Hey,” Pam says softly, waiting for Roy to notice that something is off.

“How was the rest of the night?” He asks.

“Fine,” She says, standing in the doorway.

Roy stands up, sets his beer down, and walks over to her. “Wanna head up to bed?” He asks.

Pam almost gasps. _How can he not see the guilt written on my face? How does he not notice?_

Instead of saying anything, Pam nods. 

Then, she follows him upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think!


	4. 2007

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim comes back from Stanford.

Pam can’t believe how warped her life has become. It’s so different than anything she ever imagined it would be. Sometimes when she thinks about where she is in life, she has to fight back tears. 

Things started to go wrong about a month before her wedding to Roy. The guilt over kissing Jim, and enjoying it, was practically eating her from the inside out. She couldn’t be around Roy anymore; for some reason he had been getting on her nerves more and more. He was refusing to help plan all of the last minute things for their wedding and was completely detached from the whole situation.

Shit hit the fan one night about a week before the wedding when Pam found out that Roy had not booked the tickets for their honeymoon. She had even decided to go with his destination: Mexico, even though she had been pushing for Hawaii. 

She doesn’t remember much of their argument, but she does remember storming out of their house, getting in her car, and driving to her mother’s house. Already sobbing, she had knocked on her mother’s door then collapsed on the front porch. Her mom quickly scooped her up and brought her inside. 

Once she had calmed down a bit, she told her mom what had happened. To her surprise, her mom didn’t think it was as big of a deal as Pam did. 

“Honey, you can still buy tickets somewhere,” her mom said.

“Mom, it’s not about that,” Pam says.

“Then what’s it about?” her mom asks, resting a supportive hand on top of her knee.

“He just… It just seems like he doesn’t care,” Pam says.

“About the wedding? Or about you?” her mom asks. 

That was when Pam burst into tears again. 

When she got home that night, she called off the wedding.

~~~

Now, she’s sitting at her desk while the people from the closing Stanford branch show up at the office. Michael made some gift bags for the new employees, which is a nice gesture, but Pam is sure that things will go south once everyone arrives.

She can’t keep her leg from bouncing and her hands are sweating a ridiculous amount. She tries to pretend that she isn’t nervous because Jim’s coming back, but she’s unsuccessful. Although she is incredibly nervous, she can’t deny the excitement that flutters in her stomach when she remembers that she will be sitting near him again. 

People filter in and she greets every one of them. She meets a woman named Karen, who she thinks she could get along very well with. But she forgets about all of them the second that Jim walks through the door. 

“Hi, I’m Jim. I’m new here,” Jim jokes as Pam jumps up and hugs him. He continues talking, but Pam can hardly hear him because her heart is beating in her ears. 

She can’t help but keep her eyes on him all day. She sees him talking to that woman Karen that she met earlier and feels slightly jealous, until she decides she’s being ridiculous and shakes it off.

Pam meets Jim in the break room later and she can’t help but feel like something is off. He’s kind of short with her, and he feels more distant. _Also, since when does he not drink grape soda?_ she thinks as he walks away. 

Pam hadn’t been anticipating this; she had hoped that they could pick up where they left off. Realizing that it was a ridiculous notion, she shakes her head and tries to recover from the awkward encounter. 

~~~

Michael, of course, screws up massively by making his new employees sit on a table. Tony quits. Everyone else is upset. Michael slashes everyone’s tires. It hasn’t been a good day. 

When she leaves the office for the day, she feels a huge sense of relief. That is, until Jim gets out of his car and walks over to her. 

He apologizes for how weird things were all day. Pam pretends to be ignorant to the fact that she’s felt uncomfortable since he walked into the office that day. 

Then her heart sinks.

“I just think I should tell you that… Well, I’ve sort of started seeing someone. And uh…” He says, awkwardly standing in front of her as if he would rather be anywhere else.

She has to interrupt him. She has to, because she can’t listen to it anymore. Because while he’s standing there in front of her, saying he’s dating someone else, she realizes that she’s in love with him.

Pam Beesly is hopelessly, completely, and terribly in love with Jim Halpert, and he has a girlfriend. Now she finally understands how Jim must have felt seeing her with Roy everyday. It feels like her heart is in her stomach, being digested. 

So she says that they’re friends. She says that they’ll always be friends. What else could she have said? 

When she gets into her car, she watches him pull out of the parking lot in her rear view mirror. Once his car disappears from view, Pam cries like she’s never cried before. She cries and cries until she has a migraine.

Then, she calls her mom.

“Pam?” Her mom asks, not able to hear anything over Pam’s tears.

“Mom, I love him. I love him and he has a girlfriend,” She says.

“Who? Roy?” Pam’s mom asks.

Pam laughs at that; she can’t do anything else. She hasn’t thought about Roy in months. “No, mom.”

After a calculated pause, her mother speaks again. “Is it Jim?”

In the Dunder Mifflin parking lot, Pam leans her head against her steering wheel and cries until she has no more tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this angsty chapter... Things will be more fluffy very soon! I hope you enjoyed this!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comment and let me know what you think!


End file.
